


casualty of abnormal normality

by thisstableground



Series: less than ninety degrees [16]
Category: Do No Harm (TV), In the Heights - Miranda/Hudes
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Childhood Friends, Friendship, Hospitals, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-03 19:47:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21184982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisstableground/pseuds/thisstableground
Summary: Immediately following the events ofto the bone i'm evergreen, Benny waits with Usnavi at the urgent care.





	casualty of abnormal normality

**Author's Note:**

> Content warning: Since this takes place after the fight with Jason in _to the bone_, Usnavi's currently suffering from the immediate after-effects of being strangled.

Benny and Vanessa probably never would have spoken if it weren’t for Nina and Usnavi, the common links between them throughout their childhoods. They were too similar, if that ain’t kinda odd to think. Too outgoing, too balanced on that knife-edge between popular and hating the whole thing that came with being popular in high school, too much of a front to keep up that they wouldn't ever have broke through with each other. At best they might have nodded at each other from a distance. Maybe they woulda hated each other. Usnavi one time said maybe they woulda dated, but everyone was too creeped out by that to explore the hypothesis any.

The main thing that was similar about him and Vanessa, though, was they both had someone to protect and you can’t always be there every time. So their connections were: Benny, just _happening_ to be close enough to keep an eye on Nina on the lunchbreaks when Vanessa was skipping school. Vanessa, after Benny was on a last warning for fights, sauntering up to a kid who’d been persistently referring to Usnavi as_ short bus _behind his back, and whispering something in his ear that made him look like he was about to lose his lunch.

The main thing was that look of understanding the two of them shared every time: _you got their back, so by extension I got yours, and hey, we don’t need to tell them about this, right? Ain’t hurting nobody for us to keep it between ourselves._ Not that Nina or Usnavi were ever blind enough to not know that people picked on them, but they didn’t necessarily know the extent of it. They didn’t need to. There’s people who have to be tough so that gentler people can stay gentle. Benny and Vanessa are on one side of that, Nina and Usnavi on the other.

And after long enough and bad days enough and good days enough, Benny’s grown to love Vanessa for things that aren’t just her relationship to their respective best friends. She’s a headstrong badass with a killer sense of humor, and she’s got a kind heart underneath everything. But maybe reflective of that one-step-removed of their early days friendship, they mostly have a text-based relationship outside of group hangouts. If there’s something super important to relay it comes to Benny via text or via Usnavi. He can count on one hand the amount of times Vanessa’s actually picked up a phone to call him in the past year, and one of them was like three days ago, so it’s real unusual to see her name on caller ID again so soon after.

“Yo, V, whats—”

“Jason was here,” she says, straight to the point. “At the bodega.”

“Say what?_” _Benny immediately starts patting down his pocket for his keys . He’s heard enough about that guy to know that’s headline-level bad news. “When? Are you safe, he ain’t still there, is he?”

“No, he’s gone, but—“ and she bursts into tears, which Benny was in no way expecting. It is, to be honest, terrifying. Has he ever heard Vanessa cry before?

“Vanessa? What happened?”

_“_I...I don't know! I forgot my key so I was standing out back of Usnavi’s apartment with him and he was so scary, Benny, a-and then the guys were there and the way he _talked _to Ruben, I ain’t never heard nothing like it, and…and there was a fight.”

“Okay, don’t worry, I’m on my way.” Benny don’t know Ruben all that well, but he damn sure knows what happened to him, and he don’t like the idea of _that_ going near any of them. “Is Ruben okay?”

Vanessa stops crying in an instant, a faucet being turned off. Sharp breath inwards. “I need you to take Usnavi to urgent care,” she says, and Benny’s heart just about stops.

***

Vanessa meets him at the back entrance of the bodega, a bundle of clothes in her arms and blood coagulating on a nasty cut on her lip, and on instinct Benny hugs her. She sighs huffily into his shoulder, like all this is just a big inconvenience, but she also hugs him back much tighter than she usually would.

“You never said he hit you too,” Benny says, letting her go to scrutinize her face. Vanessa makes a dismissive gesture.

“Forgot,” she says breezily, but her eyes are welling up. If Benny ever sees Jason he’s gonna break his fucking legs. “I didn’t think—y’know, it’s dumb, ain’t like I don’t see what he did to Ruben every goddamn day, I knew it was real, but _he_ never felt real. And now he is, a-and Usnavi—he—”

“Where is he?”

“Inside.”

In the aisle at the front closest to the counter, there’s various things knocked off shelves and Ruben and Usnavi are sitting in the middle of it, holding onto each other. At the sound of the door, they both just hold on tighter.

“It’s just me and Benny,” Vanessa says. Usnavi raises a hand in greeting but doesn’t say anything, or even look up from where he’s hiding his face against Ruben’s shoulder. Nothing good ever happens when Usnavi stops talking. Ruben doesn’t acknowledge them.

“Ruben,” Vanessa says. “Honey, you gotta let up so Benny can get Usnavi to the urgent care.”

Ruben makes a defiant little noise, curling protectively round Usnavi like he’s shielding him from an explosion. Vanessa keeps talking to him, in a low and sweetly patient voice that Benny's never heard her use before, like she’s talking to a frightened kid, but no matter how much she reasons and pleads and cajoles, and even though by her account it’s Ruben who said Usnavi needed medical attention in the first place, Ruben clearly has no intent of letting Usnavi go.

Benny shoves his hands in his pockets so nobody can see him clench his fists in irritation. It’s bad enough Usnavi isn't saying anything and Vanessa crying, without Ruben acting like he’s gotta protect Usnavi from his own damn best friend. And fuck, hasn't Benny been saying something this would happen from the start? He’d told Usnavi as much, back before he found out the whole story, worried about how strange Usnavi had been acting about Ruben, how strange _Ruben _was, with his endless secrets and nervous, cornered attitude and distant stares. Then it turned out Ruben was actually just a decent dude who'd been through some real shit, was someone who Usnavi and, more unbelievably, Vanessa both trusted enough to fall in love with. So Benny let his guard down. Now look what’s happened, Ruben’s past come calling and caught Usnavi in the crossfire, Ruben getting in the way after Vanessa’s called up Benny saying “hey, drive Usnavi to urgent care because some psycho just fucking _choked _him.”

Only before he can get angry about it, he catches a glimpse of Ruben’s face, the messiest kind of crying with swollen red eyes and cheeks flushed sore from tears, and something that even _exhaustion _isn't big enough to describe. Benny’s never seen anyone look so heartbroken.

No, that isn't quite true. He’s seen one other person look like that, about seven years ago. Maybe that’s why it hits so hard.

He’d offered to walk Ruben home from the station after they found out Jason was in the city. Being honest, it was only partly out of kindness. The rest was out of curiosity, because if he did show up, Benny wanted to know what he’s like: someone who can do what that guy did to Ruben is impossible to even imagine. Sonny had insisted on coming along, which Benny hadn’t thought much of until later when Usnavi and Sonny were squabbling and making coffee and Vanessa was ordering pizza for everyone, Ruben pulled him aside for a private word. It don’t happen often. Benny tries not to be offended that Ruben always avoids being alone with him, it’s just one of those things.

Anyway, this time Ruben was apparently okay with it, and Benny had done his best to be as non-threatening as possible, slouching down while he asked, “so what’s up?”

“This wasn’t my idea, you know,” Ruben said. “I don’t want him near Sonny. Or anyone, actually. I didn’t want you guys involved.”

“You ain’t never gonna change that kid’s mind once he’s set it on somethin,” Benny said. “Better we know about it than him trying to sneak along anyway. Don’t worry, if anything goes down I can handle it. Been a while since I had a good reason to kick someone’s ass.”

“Jason is _dangerous. _Don’t underestimate him.”

“Look, man, I know this must be a real bad time, I feel for you. But guys like him, they’re cowards. They ain’t fight fair, and they back down as soon as they’re outnumbered. He ain’t gonna try nothing if he knows you got people watching your back.”

Ruben shook his head. “That’s what I’m counting on, but Benny, I want you to listen to me carefully: if Jason shows up, you take Sonny and run like hell. Don’t try and talk to him, don’t let him see where you go. I don’t care if he’s shoving me in the trunk of a car, you just get Sonny out of there and you call the police and let them deal with it, okay?”

Benny had said okay, and not really believed it was gonna be an issue. Looks like he's been proved a dumbass on this count. Ruben’s been scared of the same thing Benny was all along, they're on the same side here. Benny kneels down to around their level, and says “Ruben, I been looking out for him since forever. I swear I’ll make sure he’s alright.”

Ruben’s never really made eye contact with him before, usually looks somewhere around people’s hairline or eyebrows or right out a window on the other side of the room sometimes. But he does it now, and then some, staring into Benny’s eyes like he’s trying to study his atoms, until he nods,and loosens his grip on Usnavi, who stays exactly where he is. Benny wonders what Ruben woulda done if he hadn’t found whatever he was looking for in that staring contest. With unexpected admiration he comes to the conclusion that Ruben seriously might have thrown down.

“Querido, time to go,” Vanessa murmurs to Usnavi, crouching too and putting her hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t like doctors,” Usnavi says pitifully. Oh. That’s why he ain’t been speaking this whole time: his voice is _wrecked_. Jesus.

“Your doctor boyfriend probably ain’t jazzed to hear that,” Benny says, as lightly as possible.

Usnavi gives a raspy broken noise that might be a laugh and gets unsteadily to his feet, shivering now that Ruben’s not wrapped around him like a blanket. Vanessa hands him a hoodie, holds up his jacket for him to put his arms in. Ruben reaches out to readjust his askew hat then places one hand over it like he’s making sure it’s going to stay firmly on, the way the three of them move around each other raw and tender in a way that suddenly makes Benny understand a whole lot of things that feel way too personal to ever understand about anyone. He looks away, intently reading the prices stuck along the edges of the shelves till Usnavi’s ready to go.

***

Thank God urgent care isn’t far away because it’s just as uncomfortable being in the car with a totally silent Usnavi, and when they get there Benny can keep himself busy with explaining to the nurse at the front desk what’s happened, helping Usnavi fill out his insurance forms, all that shit.

Once they hand the forms back, they’re told to take a seat and wait. Only two minutes go by before the nurse calls out Usnavi’s name and says she just needs to check something on his paperwork. Benny goes to join him but she says “I’m sorry, legally I can only speak to Mr De la Vega about this, doctor-patient confidentiality.”

Benny wanders away, waiting close enough to keep them in sight just in case.Usnavi's gesturing at his throat, clearly indicating _I can’t speak; _the nurse talks quickly and very quietly, handing Usnavi a pen and pad of paper while his face grows increasingly more puzzled. With a shrug, he scribbles something down. The nurse looks at the pad, then holds it up closer to her face, squinting, another victim of Usnavi’s handwriting; he visibly sighs and pulls his phone out, typing rapidly. Eventually she nods at whatever’s on the screen, and Usnavi tips his cap at her before he leaves.

“What was all that about?” Benny mutters once they’re in the waiting area.

_she kept askin if i wanted you to leave? _Usnavi types. _like, the fuck?? youre my ride home lol_

“Ah,” Benny says, getting it. The nurse walks down the corridor crossing theirs with a suspicious sideways not-looking look that he gets plenty more than he wants to in his life, although admittedly not usually for this particular reason. “She thinks I’m beatin’ you, dude.”

“Oh! Ngh.” Usnavi scrunches up his nose and writes, _well shit. should i go tell her we aint like that? in any sense of That_

“Nah, don’t bother. So long as she knows I ain’t the one who kicked your sorry ass.”

_\- hey i got in some good hits too it was a mutual sorry asskick_

“Uh-huh, champ, sure it was.”

Other than the nurse walking back and forth every so often, the occasional calling of names that aren’t Usnavi’s, the occasional arrival of someone new to take the vacated spaces on the waiting room chairs, nothing happens for a very long time. Vanessa texts a couple times, to let them know that they’re still fine and that Ruben’s fallen asleep, asks if there’s any news about Usnavi yet.

\- _he’s fine, we still just waitin_

_\- okay. keep me updated._

_\- will do_

There’s a second after sending his reply when he’s sitting there, phone in hand, and suddenly finds himself opening his message thread from Nina. He could text her. He should, in fact, she’s known Usnavi the longest out of everyone and would definitely wanna know about something like this. But Benny’s thinking more about how he wants to talk to her so he can hear her say something comforting to _him._

It’s not an option. They might be friends again, less tentative than right after the breakup, but this feels…way too intense. For all he loved her - ha, past tense like he’s fooling anyone - there’s reasons they didn’t work out and god knows their tendency to wait till after a problem was either long gone or totally out of control before they discussed it with each other was one of them. And still now, tucking his phone back in his pocket, he tells himself, _it’d only make her worry to know that Usnavi’s here, better wait til we can say for sure he’s okay_. Some things never change.

Usnavi next to him chews his hoodie strings while he flicks dispassionately through a celebrity gossip magazine.

“You want some water?” Benny asks, just for the distraction of the trip to the cooler. Usnavi nods, but when Benny brings it to him he takes one sip and makes a face then sets it down on the floor, under his chair.

“It hurts?” Benny asks. He hadn’t even thought about what getting choked near unconsciousness might _feel _like. Usnavi gives a tiny nod, mouth pulling down miserably at the corners, and Benny feels a pang of sympathy. “Aite, hold up, I’ma ask the nurse if we can hurry things along.”

The only answer he gets from the nurse, same one who checked them in, is “I’m sorry, we’re moving as quick as we can but everyone here is in the same position, we can't change anything unless it's a medical emergency."

“He says it hurts,” Benny says. “Ain’t there something you can do for that, at least? Painkillers or whatever?”

“We’re moving as quick as we can,” she repeats, and because Benny don’t want her to go round making no accusations about whatever she thinks his deal with Usnavi is, or anything else, he has to give in politely and head back to his seat instead of kicking up a fuss. That don’t help his mood none.

“Sorry dude,” he says. “I tried.”

Usnavi just closes his eyes, breathing slowly through his nose, face pale.

***

One of the benefits of being an adult is that whenever he sees Usnavi it’s usually in a social and-or bodega context, where they can chat and move around and generally be in charge of their own stuff, which means Benny very rarely has to deal with a terminally bored Usnavi any more. It’s exactly like being back in school: Usnavi squirms around constantly, sitting criss-cross then bringing his feet up on the chair like a crouch and even sitting upside down at one point. He tears off corners of the waiting room magazines and Benny has to slap his hand down more than once when Usnavi absent-mindedly goes to chew some of the paper he’s shredding between his fingers. And worst, he keeps trying to start conversations, apparently forgetting every two minutes that it’s only gonna be painful.

“Just write it on your _phone_,” Benny says, frustrated. He gets it, they’ve been here for hours and Benny’s bored too, but the dry cough every time Usnavi forgets to whisper is starting to grate on him. The constant movement, too, the position-change and the leg-bounce and the way that Usnavi’s head whips towards the doors every time they open like he’s a puppy who just heard the mailman coming up the path.

He’s doing that now instead of listening to what Benny’s saying, staring wide-eyed at the nondescript white dude in the light blue coat who just walked in. Leans forward so far he’s barely in his seat, watching the man walk up to the front desk tucked around the corner.

Benny nudges him and Usnavi almost falls off the chair. “You’re bein’ a weirdo,” he says, which usually would snap Usnavi out of wherever he’s daydreaming with a laugh but instead he just goes immediately back to staring. “D’you know him or something?”

The guy walks back their way from the desk, down the adjacent corridor and Usnavi slumps with a little sigh and shakes his head _no, I don't know him_. Then in a violently quick movement he stands up and puts his jacket on, headed for the exit.

Benny’s so surprised that Usnavi’s almost at the doors before he thinks to run after him. “Yo, where the hell you goin’?”

“Home,” Usnavi rasps. “Checking on Vanessa and Ruben.”

“What? You can’t just _go_.”

Instead of arguing, Usnavi just stands dead still, hands trembling halfway through buttoning his jacket, and looking very much he’s about to faint.

“Hey, you alright?”

Usnavi shakes his head wildly, inhales in an asthma-rattle wheeze and Benny thinks, he was strangled_. _He was _strangled_. Vanessa called Benny crying, and said that Ruben told them how it could stop him breathing at any moment and Usnavi’s breathing wrong, shaking all over. There’s nobody at the front desk, right when that eagle-eyed nurse would be most useful.

“Oh, god, okay, don’t panic, I’m gonna get help, I’ll go get someone,” he babbles, but Usnavi puts a hand out to stop him. “I’ll be right back, it’s okay, I’m just gonna find a doctor.“

“Don’t need one.”

“Are you kidd—“

“I’m _freakin’ out_,” Usnavi says, teeth gritted. “Doctor’s the last damn thing I need.”

“Oh, shit,” Benny says helplessly. How is it he knows even less what to do with that? Nina’s a ball of anxiety, he’s known Ruben and his PTSD near on a year and hell, Usnavi might not have panic attacks but he ain’t ever been the chillest of people and somehow Benny still got no idea what people are meant to say to calm other people down.

“He knows where I live, Benny,” Usnavi says. His teeth chatter through the words. “He knows where I _live_. I have to _go.”_

“They woulda called if something was wrong. Vanessa texted me like ten minutes ago to ask if you gone in yet, remember? I can call her if you want.” He holds Usnavi’s shoulder when he tries to get by him.

Usnavi makes an angry sound and says “Benny, just let me—!” and then he falls into a coughing fit that leaves him clutching onto Benny for balance, before immediately trying to leave again the second it ends. Benny’s just about done with this bullshit. He grabs Usnavi round the waist, lifts him right up, carries him fireman-style past the people in the seats closest to the entrance who are watching them with a detached kind of interest, waiting room entertainment to break up the tedium. He only puts him down once they’re tucked in a quiet-ish back corner, as far away from the exit as possible, and stands like a barricade to keep him from bolting.

“Fuckin’ _stay there_,” he snaps. “I ain’t _fuckin_’ kidding around, Usnavi, sit the hell back down, you ain’t goin’ nowhere till you’ve seen a goddamn doctor. You think Vanessa and Ruben are gonna be happy if you show up when we can’t even tell them if you’re okay? You think they’re gonna be cool when you stop breathing halfway back to your place and I gotta tell ‘em that I just let you run off?”

Usnavi does sit down, arms folded, staring hard at the wall with a deep frown. Benny sits next to him, adrenaline racing. A vivid memory out of nowhere: sitting in the emergency room with Usnavi’s parents age eight, shamefacedly explaining why their son was there with a broken wrist. Usnavi spent the whole time chattering, asking the doctors questions about everything, telling jokes to cheer a morose and guilty Benny up even though he’s the one who’d been passed out on the grass in Bennett Park half an hour before.

A vivid memory of the last time he saw Usnavi looking this strung-out and tired and twitchy, this quiet. Benny had never really known what to do during that time, because Usnavi’s usually the one who prods them into emotional conversations that Benny’s stupid pride always holds him back from starting. Usnavi’s the one who always does the talking, except when he doesn’t. Or except when he can’t. Like today. So step the fuck up, Benny.

“I got a confession,” he says. Usnavi tilts his head, interest piqued but still refusing to look at him. “You might not like it. You remember when you fell out that tree?”

Usnavi rolls his eyes. _Yeah, obviously I remember._

_“_I, uh…I only hung out with you at first ‘cause I felt so bad about that. I figured it was my responsibility to like, stick around till I knew those little shits would leave you alone, then I was gonna ditch you and go do my own thing.” He'd never admitted that before. Who wants to hear that their friendship only started out of pity?

Usnavi gives the wall a lopsided smile with just enough smirk that it’s obvious he been knew. Benny laughs. Shoulda gave him more credit; Usnavi isn’t always on the same planet as everyone else, but he pays close attention to things like friendship, and he isn't so blindly hero-worshipping of Benny as he was when he was eight.

“And then I guess I got attached to your dumb ass. But I still always felt like that was my job, y’know? I thought like, I was the big tough guy and you was a kid, and I wanted to make sure you could be that ‘cause…’cause I felt like I could just be a normal kid round you too instead of frontin’ all the time. So it was a fair trade-off. Then all this shit keeps coming along, everything at school and then your parents, and Abuela, and all of the rest of it, and it ain’t _fair, _and I couldn’t do nothing to fix it.”

“I ain’t a kid, Benny,” Usnavi says, softly. “I don’t expect you to fix all my problems for me.”

“That ain’t exactly what I’m sayin’.”

What is he saying, though?

Maybe he’s saying, the big tough kid he thought he was only ended up the Benny he's happy to be now because he still always wants to be the kinda person Usnavi looks at with the same admiration he did the first time Benny stood up for him. He’s saying how many of his choices have been made based off imagining what Usnavi’s reaction would be, off the flat _are you for real?_ look he’s come to dread when Usnavi thinks Benny’s buying too much into the tired macho bullshit he probably woulda been spouting all the time if it hadn’t been for their friendship. He’s saying Usnavi draws people to him like moths to a streetlight, from Benny to Nina to Vanessa to Ruben, all of them with their labyrinths of closed-off places that Usnavi seems to chip away at without even knowing he’s doing it, because all he’s ever really doing is being Usnavi.

“You know, it was such a crazy time I never even thought about what if you’d actually moved to DR after all till later,” Benny says, instead of all that other stuff. Usnavi twitches an eyebrow,_ yeah? _“It woulda sucked. For us back here, I mean. Pretty sure give it a month and you’da set up a bar and knew all the locals by name and they all woulda loved you, ‘cause that’s what you’re like, but _us, _we woulda…I dunno. It just woulda sucked.”

Usnavi looks forlorn. Benny don’t know whether that’s about nearly leaving, or just the pain, or something else entirely. Running his hand across his hair, stressed beyond words, Benny mumbles, “I dunno. This is fucked up. It’s real fucked up. The one thing I always done is make sure no bullies come round to kick your ass and — don’t,”— he can see the expression Usnavi makes and he don’t wanna hear the _you should see the other guy _quip trying to make him feel better, because it won’t — “this ain’t funny.”

Nothing about this is funny. Jason’s the biggest bully Benny’s ever known. Bad enough picking on someone like Ruben who never tried to hurt nobody and who, Benny suddenly realizes, spent so much time climbing trees because someone told him to and he wanted a friend, and who hit the ground _hard_ when he fell. Ruben had warned them, but Benny hadn’t taken it seriously enough, even knowing what he knows. It just wasn’t real enough. It’s real as shit now. This is so much more than just a playground argument or a punch-up in a club. This is the sound of something cracking on a heavy impact_._

“Goddammit, Usnavi, he coulda killed you. We coulda lost you.” Benny’s throat’s gone tight, sympathy ache with Usnavi’s busted voice_. _Usnavi’s eyebrows raise. Fuck off, yeah, Benny knows, but nothing he can do about it. “_I _coulda lost you.”

“Benny—“ sandpaper-whisper and the labored breath after.

“Shut the hell up. Stop talking. You’re the only person I know who could literally talk themself to death, you moron, don’t you realize you coulda died tonight and what the fuck happens to me then? What happens to Vanessa and Sonny and Ruben and _everyone_?”

Usnavi makes an incomprehensible expression that turns quickly into tears, a painful-sounding sob hitching through him. Benny hugs him immediately, at least half so that he can hide the fact the dam just broke for him too, and seventeen years after watching Usnavi in the ER getting his wrist in plaster with his bright gap-tooth smile like it didn’t hurt any more than a grazed elbow, bullies and deaths and fights and breakups later, here’s Benny Roberts and Usnavi De la Vega, still best friends, crying all over each other in the busy waiting room of the 181st Street Urgent Care Centre.

“I don’t think you get how much we need you here. I don’t know what I’d do if you wasn’t around,” Benny says, as quiet as he can. He hates that even the middle of all this and however true it is it’s so embarrassing to say out loud, especially right in public like they are, but it’s something you can wait and wait to talk about until there ain’t no chances left. “I love you, dude.”

Usnavi makes a weepy, warbly noise and says, “I love you too, man.”

They’re just pulling themselves together, with the required amount of awkward coughing and manly sniffing and pointedly facing away so neither of them can see the other wiping their eyes when someone from down the hallway calls, “Usnavi De la Vega? The doctor will see you now.”

Usnavi takes a deep, nervous breath and stands, then turns to Benny pleadingly, _I don’t wanna go in by myself. _Benny’s already on his feet.

“I know,” he says. “Come on. I got your back.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments make me extremely happy and encourage me to write more!  
Come say hi to me on [tumblr](https://thisstableground.tumblr.com/)!


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